Episode Description

Life is all about choices. If you put your relationship with God first, you will get what you want. He has put desires in your heart for a reason. God wants what you want.

Tune in this week as Rylee and his wife, Ash, share their story and marriage on the King’s Council Podcast. They talk about how they met, the broken parts of their life they had to piece back together and how they have cultivated a life of intention and relationship with God.

The King’s Council’s mission is to help you discover and deploy your God-given talents. Our signature coaching program will give you the tools, tactics and strategies to radically change and level up in all areas of your life.

Schedule your free consulting call with us today by visiting https://kingscouncilcoaching.com/ (kingscouncilcoaching.com) Are you ready to live your life by design?

Are you willing to commit yourself to the plan God has for you and finally become the CEO of Your Life? The $100 Million Dollar Man Rylee Meek and Super Bowl Champion Steve Weatherford are coming to a city near you to help you master the Five Power Pillars that will help you discover and deploy your God-given talents. https://www.facebook.com/groups/ceoofyourlife (Join our Facebook Group) to find out more about our 2021 CEO of Your Life events. This episode is brought to you by http://transcend5.com (Transcend).

Transcend is taking preventative healthcare beyond the restrictions of traditional medicine.

Through their Advanced Hormone Replacement Therapy and innovative Telehealth system, Transcend will help you receive the best care on the cutting edge of medical science.

Whether you are looking to improve your sexual wellness or optimize your health, Transcend’s approach to transparent and simplified care will help you achieve the life you’ve always wanted.

Visithttps://transcendcompany.com/ref/Steve20/ ( transcend5.com) today to start your journey to a better you.

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Life is All About Choices

[00:00:00] Rylee: [00:00:00] I wasn’t there. I wasn’t the dude that I needed to be at that time in my life. You know, we’re all, it’s a process. We’re just, we’re living life, who you are today is not who you were five years ago when it’s not going to be who you are in five years from now. So you get to choose again. It comes to it’s.

[00:00:15] [00:00:14] It boils down to who do I want to be? I know who it was, what I want to be and who I want to become.

[00:00:35] [00:00:30] the King’s council helps you discover. In deploy your God given talents. Now our vision is to get you on the right path to [00:00:45] your framework of success. By focusing on the five power pillars, spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and financial. Now the King’s counsel is not your average coaching program. It’s much more than that.

[00:00:59] It’s a tribe [00:01:00] of like mindseted men and women bonded by faith. Henry relationship that you can do life with. Now, we’re traveling across the United States this summer to a city near you, and we want you to join [00:01:15] us in creating the next wave of faith-based entrepreneurs, ready to become the CEOs of their life.

[00:01:22] Visit King’s counsel coaching.com today to speak to one of our team members about how you can [00:01:30] level up in all areas of your life. This episode is brought to you by transcend transcend is taking preventative healthcare beyond the restrictions of traditional medicine. Through there advanced hormone replacement [00:01:45] therapy in innovative tele-health system, transcend will help you receive the best care on the cutting edge of medical science.

[00:01:52] Whether you’re looking to improve overall vitality. In wellness or optimize your health transcends approach to [00:02:00] transparent and simplified care will help you achieve the life. You’ve always wanted. Visit transcend five.com today to start your journey. Oh right. All right, everybody. [00:02:15] Welcome back to another episode of the Kings council podcast.

[00:02:18] And I have got a treat for you guys today. I want to know only Ash. This is with us today. It’s up. Hey, she [00:02:30] is a woman of few words, but the words that she speaks are so powerful. And I wanted to do this episode really because we’ve been, we’ve been on a kick of business entrepreneurship, and just the ability and the power [00:02:45] to make money and how I, as you guys all know, just, I believe it is our God.

[00:02:53] Ability and designed to be able to create wealth. And a lot of people do that in a wrong manner, in a [00:03:00] wrong way, but truly from a man speaking to a man that’s listening to this right now and to the women that are listening to this right now, it is only unlocked. When you’ve got a spouse, when you have somebody that is [00:03:15] truly by your side, that can come alongside you and ultimately just allow you to operate in the God-given talents and abilities that you know are for you.

[00:03:25] So Ben, let’s rap about this sounds good,

[00:03:29] Ash: [00:03:29] where you want to [00:03:30] start.

[00:03:30] Rylee: [00:03:30] All right. I want everybody to know our story because I feel like a lot of people might just think, oh, we got it all together. Or we’ve. It must be nice, you know, that whole thought process of, oh, it must be nice. Must [00:03:45] be nice that you’ve got, you know, the nice house, the nice whatever, but it took a lot of freaking work to get here.

[00:03:54] And, and for those that don’t know, like our story, I want to dive into that with you guys. And, and to [00:04:00] know that Ash and I we’ve been married five years now, May 14th, five years. Uh, but prior to that, do you guys know we have a nine-year-old daughter? Her name is Ellie grace. And my, my first marriage [00:04:15] was, uh, with a girl named Sarah.

[00:04:18] And it was a, a time of, I don’t know how many people that are listening to this, want to do it. The Christian. I’m going to do it the right way, the Christian way, what society tells [00:04:30] us, certainly what the Bible tells us, what to do, what the Bible tells us and walk that out. But I was a new Christian, you know, I give my life to Christ as the age of 16 and I was just so on fire.

[00:04:42] I was just like, yes, God, whatever you want, whatever you [00:04:45] want. And I moved up to Minnesota when I was 17 and was just totally infatuated with just God and just like what he’s doing in my life. And I came across a chick that was super cute. I want [00:05:00] that, God, I want that God, but I want to do it the right way.

[00:05:03] So I didn’t want to have sex before marriage. I didn’t want to be. What I thought was not of God. So I quickly just rushed it. Like I’m going to put a ring on it. I’m going to marry her. Let’s [00:05:15] just do this thing without going through any like true. I had zero guidance. I had zero understanding of what a relationship actually looked like, what a relationship should be.

[00:05:28] And I rushed it. [00:05:30] Sarah and I, we completely rushed into it and I want to preface this with Sarah and I have a great relationship right now. You and Ash, I’m the same. You as Ash and Sarah have a wonderful relationship right now. And she’s an amazing person, but we just [00:05:45] completely rushed into it thinking we were doing the Christian thing to do, which was just put a ring on it.

[00:05:53] If you’re gonna marry it, put a ring on it. If you want to have sex, you can put a ring on. Without taking any counsel of guidance or understanding [00:06:00] from and outside sources that had true wisdom for us. True. And I want to say true wisdom for us. So we rushed into it. 19 20, 21. 22, realizing like that [00:06:15] was the person that I married was not the person that I thought that I married.

[00:06:18] I didn’t even know who the hell I was at that point in time. Right. I was learning. I was trying to figure out life. I mean, think of yourself at that point in time. What is, what are you going to do? Are you going to school? Are you in [00:06:30] business? What are you going to do at that point in time? And so it was trying to figure out life and the person that you align yourself with is so freaking important.

[00:06:39] So important, not just who you married. But who you align yourself with just doing [00:06:45] life. Who’s going to keep you accountable for doing life. And we ultimately decided that it was just not going to work. We struggled a lot of you guys know my story, that I came back from a failed business venture at the age of [00:07:00] 23.

[00:07:00] And I thought the best thing that I could possibly do at that time. Pregnant and, you know, being broke, you must be pregnant too. Right? And then through that process, we was just like, this is just not, this is just not what I want to [00:07:15] do. This is just not life. And when I started our first company for as far as like social dynamic selling goes.

[00:07:22] I was traveling a ton, Sarah and I were not in alignment in any manner, in any way, but we were just very [00:07:30] frustrated with each other. And a lot of my traveling was going back and forth to Tampa, Florida, which is ultimately what I met at. And I think we could, I mean, we could tie it in to how we met. I know the day, because the day was [00:07:45] literally, this is the craziest thing.

[00:07:46] People I met her on May 14th, 2012, and we didn’t even know this, but we got married on May 14th, 2016. But how I know this is what Facebook is, it does play a good role. In [00:08:00] some instances, it gave me in my memory of me. May 14th, 2012, just starting where wherever you want it. Like leading up to that, like where were you at [00:08:15] in that situation?

[00:08:15] Because I was not in a great place. Yeah. It was conquering business and life and not life, but I felt, I was like, yeah, we’re doing this. Making a ton of dough. We’re crushing this, my relationship with Sarah. Yeah. [00:08:30] Ellie Ellie was three months old.

[00:08:34] Ash: [00:08:34] I feel like how to begin. Our story is prefacing it with riots that he was saved 18, and I was saved at the age of five.

[00:08:43] So I had the [00:08:45] background and the knowledge of how to live my life. And neither one of us were living in the way that we should have been. We didn’t meet at a bar and had fun dancing and.

[00:08:58] Rylee: [00:08:58] I mean, come on, tell him the [00:09:00] actual truth then

[00:09:01] Ash: [00:09:01] like the best dancer.

[00:09:02] Rylee: [00:09:02] Yeah. Listen to that. Listen to that.

[00:09:07] Ash: [00:09:07] We met in a completely ungodly, not how you should meet or started relationship.

[00:09:13] Rylee: [00:09:13] I don’t know if that’s the truth then. [00:09:15] I mean, definitely we, there were drinks involved, but it wasn’t like an ungodly.

[00:09:20] Ash: [00:09:20] Yeah. I don’t know. But then.

[00:09:25] Rylee: [00:09:25] I closed the deal that night, if anybody’s listening so that yes, a hundred [00:09:30] percent, but it wasn’t like in our heart, it was,

[00:09:33] Ash: [00:09:33] oh, no godly. No, but I mean, not the way you should be loving by any stretch of the means.

[00:09:39] And then a few days went by and he [00:09:45] totally sold me on hanging out again. I said, no, no, no. And he pushed his way in. And we hung out a few days later and then we kept talking and then he ghosted me for awhile. And that that’s when I found out that Ellie was three [00:10:00] months old and he was still married. And I remember that phone call and I remember saying to him, oh my gosh, have you guys tried counseling?

[00:10:10] I liked him at that point, but I didn’t want his [00:10:15] marriage to dissolve with a newborn baby. And I don’t know.

[00:10:20] Rylee: [00:10:20] Yeah. And I mean, we did Sarah and I were like, we were just not in a good spot. And I remember that conversation so clear. I was literally pulling into our [00:10:30] office that is no longer there, but when I divulged to you, okay, I’m actually still married.

[00:10:40] I have a tiny baby such it. Yeah. And a tiny baby. [00:10:45] Was such a, an overwhelming thing, but I knew we just had such a strong connection and it was like, I had to, cause I was literally lied to you for a couple of weeks from May 14th, 2012 until it was probably like the 1st [00:11:00] of June or so. I don’t know the exact date, but I literally lied to you or ghosted you, like you said, cause I was just trying to do life and get my stuff together, but then it was like a hat I knew I had to just tell you.

[00:11:11] And if you were going to be okay with it, or I knew you wouldn’t be okay [00:11:15] with it, but if you were going to understand, then I knew we could move from. What’s going through your brain and then you were, I mean, cause literally like a little bit of her back, I’m like you live the college life. I could have interested anybody

[00:11:27] Ash: [00:11:27] for sure.

[00:11:28] I had just moved [00:11:30] to Tampa from Cleveland where I went to grad school because I hated the weather in Ohio. So I moved to Tampa and I was there for two months and then I’m at Riley and it was just a fun time. And. [00:11:45] For some reason we had a connection that words can’t even describe, or like it doesn’t make any logical sense why we would still keep talking to each other.

[00:11:56] It is apparent today why we are together, [00:12:00] but it hasn’t been the longest road to get here. And it doesn’t make any sense in tone now why we’re together and why we stuck it out. But it was obviously God’s plan [00:12:15] and it started in a way that doesn’t make sense, but we are here together for a purpose.

[00:12:21] Rylee: [00:12:21] So I went back to Minnesota a couple of weeks went by and I divulge that it was like, all right.

[00:12:27] I don’t really know, but I’m [00:12:30] really, really freaking like this chick and came back to Tampa in and out of there a fair bit. And then ultimately I was like, well, I’m getting placed there. It wasn’t like I needed a place there, but it was more, I just wanted [00:12:45] to have the reason to come there and be by you and let do that.

[00:12:48] We had some freaking battles before marriage or anything. Like we had some, I remember like what the hell to the point where it’s like, why [00:13:00] would you even still be around her? I

[00:13:02] Ash: [00:13:02] know, I think the point of us doing this is to let other people out there know that it’s not a picture, perfect story. Two Christian people meet and they love each other and they get married and everything [00:13:15] is great.

[00:13:16] And that’s not how real life is. Sometimes it is. And that’s great, but that’s not our story. And even after we got married, there’s hard, hard time. [00:13:30] But you just dig in and know that we are together for a purpose and you just get it together and work it out.

[00:13:38] Rylee: [00:13:38] Yeah. I think that’s the biggest thing for those listening.

[00:13:42] You may be thinking like, I don’t know why I’m even [00:13:45] with this person right now. And you have a choice. Cause I had this choice with Sarah. I had the choice of what am I doing? I was young and I was dumb and I didn’t know what I was doing. And then we had the realization that was [00:14:00] just like this isn’t the path that we’re on.

[00:14:01] And divorce is an absolute, terrible thing. It’s terrible. It’s not something that God designed, but it’s real. It’s a reality. It’s a real thing that you have to understand. That’s just life. [00:14:15] It’s hard. It’s freaking hard. But you had to make that decision to choose. Are you going to choose to be with the person that you’ve married or are you going to choose to do something else?

[00:14:27] And I don’t know what that is. I don’t know. I mean, whoever’s [00:14:30] listening to this. You gotta make the choice. It’s it’s literally up to you

[00:14:33] Ash: [00:14:33] and Riley. When we first met in the months following. Right. Had he was struggling so hard cause his parents got divorced and he [00:14:45] struggled and he did not want to put his daughter through a divorce.

[00:14:50] So he was truly trying to make it work with Sarah, but he knew it and it’s hard. It wasn’t right. And then talking to me. So [00:15:00] the time they years that before we got married, that we were together, it was dramatic. And. A lot of back and forth and together and not together. And it wasn’t great. [00:15:15] He was trying to do the best thing for Ellie.

[00:15:20] And Sarah is a woman of God and she’s a great person, but Sarah and Riley aren’t meant to be together. She’s remarried and found her [00:15:30] person. But at the time, Riley struggled so hard trying to do

[00:15:36] the

[00:15:37] Rylee: [00:15:37] right thing. I was such a, I remember when I was little and just how terrible it was. And I just, I vowed to [00:15:45] myself, I would never put my child through this and I mean, nothing against my parents at all on this, but it was just like, I just, I was never going to do that.

[00:15:54] And then I found myself actually doing that and it was just like heart [00:16:00] wrenching. To the point where it was, I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing. And it was just like such a time in life that we look back now is all we got through it. But flip it sucked. It sucked that somebody might be in that time right now.

[00:16:13] Just know, just, just [00:16:15] know that no matter what choice you make, no matter what choice you make, God is going to work. All things for you. That’s the beauty of, of him giving us the ability to make a choice. We have the [00:16:30] ability to make a choice. He’s given that to us. So look at your life. Look at what’s the best, because at the end of the day, I wanted Ellie to understand and know what is true love.

[00:16:40] What does a relationship actually look like? Literally, if [00:16:45] our marriage is supposed to be a reflection of Christ in the church, Which is what it’s supposed to be. I knew that that wasn’t, that wasn’t the reflection that, that Sarah and I had. And I was like, man, I can’t do this. I can’t just, I just can’t continue to [00:17:00] do this.

[00:17:00] I want it to be an example for her to know what is a true relationship. What is it like to actually be excited about your spouse coming home from work? Or was it like to just do life like that? Because your [00:17:15] relationship, your marriage is a reflection of Christ in the church. Know that and understand that he literally gave his life.

[00:17:25] He gave his life. If your marriage is a reflection of that, if it’s [00:17:30] not think about it, if it’s not think about that, but your marriage is supposed to be a reflection of how Jesus loved the church. And that’s what you and I have been. I mean, I think, right. Do you think,

[00:17:41] Ash: [00:17:41] yeah, honestly [00:17:45] it abs and flows within weeks and months of our a hundred, 200%.

[00:17:48] It’s not always. On the highlight that, but if you both know that is the end result, then you just work towards that. And also something I want to mention to the [00:18:00] women out there who are having a relationship with INAX wife or whatever it is, Sarah. At the time when Ray was trying to figure it out, Sarah would call me on the phone and be like, [00:18:15] I know he’s been with you.

[00:18:16] And, you know, she would, we would have conversations and by the grace of God, Sarah and I have an amazing relationship and it’s possible, and you can do it. And [00:18:30] no matter how terrible the situation was in any season of your life. You can 100% get to a good point with the X or whatever it is. We [00:18:45] are in such a good place and it does come with work, but it is a beautiful thing for Ellie to see, see her mom.

[00:18:53] And I be able to be in the same, keep room together and have fun together. And it’s possible. [00:19:00] I just want. Get that out there, that it is no matter how bad you think, and there’s no way I can talk to her or there’s no way this can happen. I’m telling you that it can, and it’s possible.

[00:19:11] Rylee: [00:19:11] We can’t have it. So good.

[00:19:13] Thank you, baby. So through [00:19:15] 2000, this was 2012. 2013, 2014 guys, this is the process of what happened. It wasn’t, I mean, it was that year 2012, where Sarah and I were like, oh, officially separated. And I lived in a different [00:19:30] place at a place in Florida, but our divorce wasn’t actually final until 2014, but super cordial.

[00:19:37] And then I think one of the biggest things, and I’m, I’m going to send this, this to Sarah for her to actually listen to this. I, I believe that [00:19:45] she would agree with this, but I think one of the biggest things is I, I knew I had failed in so many ways as a husband. She was a phenomenal supporter. If you think of a cheerleader of somebody that was just like, wanted you on not one of the best for you, [00:20:00] like amazing.

[00:20:01] But I was just like, I was, I wasn’t there. I wasn’t, I wasn’t the dude that I needed to be at that time in my. No, we’re all, it’s a process. We’re just, we’re living life, who you are today is not who you were five years ago when it’s not going to be who you are in five [00:20:15] years from now. So you need to choose again.

[00:20:17] It’s it’s comes to it’s. It boils down to who do I want to be? I know who I was, what I want to be and who I want to become. And I, I had that realization and, and I just, I [00:20:30] wholeheartedly just, I apologize to Sarah of, I know that I’ve been a shitty husband, a bad dude, a bad person, and I actually just apologized and owned it and knew that from there, I just, I just asked for permission to just say, [00:20:45] this is about elbow and this is not.

[00:20:47] Like I want, I want her to know what a true love and relationship is. And I think that was like a defining moment for her. And I just knowing we’re good. She is completely [00:21:00] free for me. And I’m completely free, completely free from her. And it was just like a amazing time that just allowed us to, I think, cultivate the relationships that we have.

[00:21:11] Right. And I’m so happy for her and Dan and [00:21:15] their baby boy as he is a Kia. And I think that just allowed Ash and I to fully step into, well, actually now you fully step into, I mean, because that would have been in 2014, probably when I actually truly have that like [00:21:30] revelation and then you and I didn’t talk for probably six months, six months, but around that same time then, or Ash tonight, we didn’t, we didn’t talk like you were in Minnesota.

[00:21:42] Ended up being uncomfortable, slightly crazy of a [00:21:45] fight that we had, because I know you saw an email that I’d sent to a buddy about my relationship with Sarah and I was still like working on it, like kind of figure life out. And you’re like, what the hell? And that was like a complete [00:22:00] breakdown. So we literally severed all communication.

[00:22:03] Not that I didn’t try. Believe me. I

[00:22:05] Ash: [00:22:05] changed my number and

[00:22:08] Rylee: [00:22:08] how many numbers? I mean, you literally had like

[00:22:10] Ash: [00:22:10] four times literally, like everything. I kicked him out

[00:22:14] Rylee: [00:22:14] and [00:22:15] heart guys, like I freaking haunted her. Hunted. And then it was just like, all right, it’s such a surreal time in life. And didn’t know what, I didn’t know who I was.

[00:22:28] I didn’t know who my core, I didn’t know, [00:22:30] like my core values of who I am as a human being and what I stood for. And it was a moment meaning like four or five months of just like understanding, which is an amazing evidence add happen. I mean, I’m grateful in the moment I’m flipping hated it. Cause [00:22:45] it was like a gut wrenching thing where I was all well, cause at the time, yeah.

[00:22:49] Surgery on my ankle. I was laid up. I was an apartment and my dad moved into the apartment. I didn’t need a nurse. I actually needed a nurse and I was [00:23:00] laid up. I wasn’t working, I wasn’t traveling. I was literally stuck in this apartment for like four or five months, which is, I mean, that’s where it got me.

[00:23:07] So talk to me about what, what were you thinking during that time? Or what

[00:23:11] Ash: [00:23:11] times after I read that email [00:23:15] and I had given him many each, I mean, it was just a cluster for a few years because. He was with Sarah, trying to figure things out with Ellie. When I read that email, if anyone knows me, I’m pretty [00:23:30] hard-headed.

[00:23:31] And I just said, I’m done. And I was done and I dated other people and I lived my own life and it was fine. Like it was fun and fine. And I was working as [00:23:45] a nurse anesthetist in Florida and everything was good. And then it was the day after my 30th birthday. I don’t know why, but I felt like calling Riley and that, [00:24:00] that started,

[00:24:02] Rylee: [00:24:02] this is the crazy thing guys.

[00:24:04] So I was literally in freaking Northville, got a houseboat. And I was literally talking to. Two chicks at this [00:24:15] time where they were like, just tell me your story. What’s what’s going on in your life. I hadn’t talked to Ashton in six months, but it was just like this overwhelming. Like I just, I knew that I knew that I knew that I knew we were going to be together.

[00:24:27] And so I’m on a houseboat. Like [00:24:30] literally the magic is just like, Crazy things of just what’s going on on a houseboat partying. And I was like, I have one love in my life. And these two chicks were like, well, who’s, who’s, what’s your story? And I was like, I have, I have one love. And she ain’t here right now.

[00:24:45] [00:24:44] And I woke up the next morning to a voicemail. From her from Ash, which was on Rio. And I was literally, it was like, what the crap, I don’t even know how to comprehend this because it was, I knew it [00:25:00] was like her birthday and, but I didn’t reach out. I didn’t text. I didn’t communicate at all. I got a message from her, a drunk message from her, like her missing me and I was like outright.

[00:25:10] So I called her back. And she answered. [00:25:15] And I’m literally on the lane, on the bed of this houseboat and these exact two checks that I was talking to him about before. It was like, who are you talking to you? The love of your life? And I was like, actually, yes, I am. Do you remember that? You probably don’t.

[00:25:29] But I remember that [00:25:30] so vividly and so clear. I was like, yes, I am. From there. That would have been June 28th.

[00:25:37] Ash: [00:25:37] And I was in Minnesota in October of

[00:25:40] Rylee: [00:25:40] that year. Yeah. So it was June 28th, [00:25:45] 2014 and we had a real conversation. I was like, listen, if we’re going to actually do this, we have to actually do this. I flew down to Tampa.

[00:25:53] We had. Dinner together and just discussed what life was like had been [00:26:00] like. And if we were going to actually do life together, we have to commit. And so she moved at Minnesota, which for anybody that questions, sales techniques, I’m pretty sure I’ve mastered that by getting her to move to Minnesota. [00:26:15] I’m just kidding.

[00:26:16] But literally creating the environment to have her move to Minnesota. She wanted to do it, and it was unbelievable for her to desire to do that. And it wasn’t, it’s not at a, my doing or my abilities. It was just a [00:26:30] God given moment. Which is still happening. Yeah.

[00:26:34] Ash: [00:26:34] I also think people that seem to this vague.

[00:26:36] Oh yeah, that’s cool. And then you got married and then everything was great and that is not true. And I don’t feel like people would talk about that

[00:26:44] Rylee: [00:26:44] right. [00:26:45] Most more. So she moved to Minnesota. It’s like, all right, cool. We’re going to do this. We’re getting married. Hundred hundred percent against it. My family meaning mainly

[00:26:57] Ash: [00:26:57] my sister and against, I mean, meaning against [00:27:00] me.

[00:27:00] Yeah. Yeah. It

[00:27:01] Rylee: [00:27:01] wasn’t against it. It was against her, which like the whole nother pot. You could actually do a pocket. That’d be epic. Yeah. Cause you guys have a great relationship now, but there were a lot of challenges of just leading up to this. Yeah. [00:27:15] And we, we got married, we got married in Jamaica, was unbelievable.

[00:27:20] Elliot’s four at the time. And he came back from Jamaica and it was like

[00:27:28] that Simon

[00:27:29] Ash: [00:27:29] that [00:27:30] it’s, I mean, I want to paint a picture of me having a very good job and living a very fun life and moving to Minnesota. And when I moved to Minnesota, it was in a house with Riley’s dad. [00:27:45] And I was all of a sudden a mom, a step-mom and the amount of stress that is extreme. And unless you’ve been through it, there’s no way you even know.

[00:27:58] What that is about. [00:28:00] So just that alone is extremely stressful. And then being newly married is extremely stressful. So there was so many stresses in our life. So many, at least for me, [00:28:15] Riley’s life didn’t change that much. His dad was always in with him. He always had a daughter, but for me it was extreme.

[00:28:23] And I was not good at it for awhile. I lost, I mean, it wasn’t pleasant. It [00:28:30] took a long time to get in the rhythm of how our life was going to work, but it was a lot to deal with. And I guess what I want to say is even up until now, there’s times where Riley has [00:28:45] wanted to walk away and yeah. It’s not just fun and games, no matter how much you love God and how much you’re together.

[00:28:55] It is hard. And I don’t know how we’re [00:29:00] still here together, but we are, and I know it’s for a purpose and how we’re here is because God wants us to be here. But other than that, we wouldn’t be.

[00:29:10] Rylee: [00:29:10] Absolutely. And I mean, now we’re by no means experts at this at [00:29:15] all. Our first year sucked. Absolutely horrible. Do you agree?

[00:29:21] Ash: [00:29:21] But I think it’s because. It wasn’t a normal marriage first year marriage either. We

[00:29:27] Rylee: [00:29:27] wouldn’t walk out what we know [00:29:30] now, actually the works like the God given template of just like life, a vision and culture and structure order. Like we had no idea we’ve learned this and we were just trying to get by. We were just like, [00:29:45] Whatever, let’s get married.

[00:29:46] You’re in Minnesota. So we should probably get married because we’re living together. That’s the right thing to do. Right. Let’s get married. And then it turned out multiple times your bags were packed or I’ve threw them out for you. Right? I mean, it [00:30:00] was terrible. And it wasn’t until we actually understood that, like we are one, we are like for each others, like there’s no point of being against each other.

[00:30:09] I think so many relationships are so many people just feel. Like you’re waking up and you’re fighting a [00:30:15] fight that’s against each other. When, I mean, I want, I, and I believe anybody that’s listening probably want the best for your spouse. Right. And if you don’t check yourself, if you don’t actually want what’s [00:30:30] best for your spouse, that’s a hard issue on you.

[00:30:32] I wake up, but I want absolutely. What’s the best for Ash. And I believe that you want that for me. And if we can come to an agreement of like, Hey, same team, like a big thing for us, it was like same team, same team, [00:30:45] right. Or we actually had. Okay, we’re going to go into this night. And w if I say blue was, we knew that like you’ve crossed the line and you need to like, come back to ground zero.

[00:30:55] What is life like? I want what’s best for you. We’re on the same team. We’re not fighting [00:31:00] against each other. We are at that moment, but like, why. Because I want, what is best for you? And if you want what’s best for me, then we can agree that this is completely silly. So for anybody that’s listening, just know that [00:31:15] it’s 100% about communication.

[00:31:17] And if you want what’s best for your spouse and vice versa, like I said, I mean, we can get frustrated when you get frustrated.

[00:31:28] Ash: [00:31:28] I mean, everyone does on a [00:31:30] daily basis. There’s moments in every day where you, you could hold a grudge and be mad for the rest of the day, every day. And if you just have the other person, you know, maybe they’re having her, like, let’s give them a break.

[00:31:43] If each [00:31:45] spouse thought that way and you do want the best for them. And if you are quick to forget, Even have so many more good days. It’s good.

[00:31:54] Rylee: [00:31:54] Quick to forgive, which is obviously a hard,

[00:31:57] Ash: [00:31:57] it’s hard. It’s easy to say. [00:32:00] It’s hard

[00:32:00] Rylee: [00:32:00] to do. It’s very hard, but knowing that we’re on the same page and the same team, and like you want, like, if I fully know in my heart that you want what’s best for me, it’s easier for me to forgive.

[00:32:13] Forgive me. And not that you did anything [00:32:15] wrong. It’s more of just, I’m an idiot. That way you came home and you kissed me right away. Maybe

[00:32:21] Ash: [00:32:21] I thought I needed the laundry. Like it’s so stupid, so stupid,

[00:32:25] Rylee: [00:32:25] but

[00:32:26] Ash: [00:32:26] the key is to be vulnerable with each other. And [00:32:30] no, I mean, if you choose to marry someone like I have rallies.

[00:32:35] To death. Like I want the best for him to the atoms of the earth. And if we both feel that way, then the little things in the day [00:32:45] are not big things. And you can just,

[00:32:48] Rylee: [00:32:48] so the whole point of this is life happens. It literally happens, but it can happen for you or it could happen to you. And then that’s [00:33:00] your choice.

[00:33:00] So if you’re in a marriage where you’re like this freaking sucks, I don’t want to be in it. Decide, decide. Are you going to do it? Are you going to choose to love the one that you married? Or are you going to bail? You got to freaking decide, [00:33:15] right? God loves marriage and he honors it. But I think the biggest thing is I want for those that are in that, that crappy marriage right now, or have been divorced and they’re like, what the hell?

[00:33:27] And I still be a man of God. Can I still be, do I [00:33:30] have a forever mark on me? Nobody cares. I don’t care. You’re running your race. Everybody has a story. The only thing that matters is you and God, your relationship with God, don’t give a [00:33:45] crap about what anybody thinks about you. What you think about what they think about, about what you think about.

[00:33:51] That’s just a nonsense turmoil that you can just continually put yourself through. Do you absolutely do, but no, be [00:34:00] so sensitive. No, like God wants what you want. God’s put the desires in your heart for a reason, and God wants what you

[00:34:08] Ash: [00:34:08] want. He does. And the thing that has changed my heart in marriage [00:34:15] is you have to get in the word every day and you have to pray every day.

[00:34:22] And you have to pick up the cross every day. You have to, without that, I don’t know how people make it, but if you do that [00:34:30] every day, it makes your marriage and your life. Okay.

[00:34:35] Rylee: [00:34:35] That’s a good bed, but that, and you’re smoking pipe. Love you guys. Hey, we are doing it. Upgrade your marriage event, coming up [00:34:45] here in August.

[00:34:46] We’re testing this out. Hey, you’ve heard us where we do not know we’re not experts at this thing, but all I got to do is be one step. Ahead of you. I’m going to walk this out. I spent six figures a year and just [00:35:00] counseling and mentoring and discipleship of how do I do this thing called life. And I want to pour that into you and anybody else that’s interested.

[00:35:08] So if you upgrade your marriage is a thing that you think is something that you need, need you desire. You want, you don’t even have to be [00:35:15] married if you just want to do one of the biggest things for that, I picked up one on one of the counselors that I had was like the dude, literally put the toilet seat down.

[00:35:23] Preparing for his wife before this guy was even married. And I was like, man, like that’s, that’s [00:35:30] such an intentional act. And even if you’re not married or you want your you’re looking for the spouse to be, you gotta be intentional, be intentional. How you do anything is how you do [00:35:45] everything. Be in touch.

[00:35:47] Look forward to seeing you guys and that next do that.

[00:35:54] thanks for tuning in to this week’s episode of the Kings council podcast. For more information on the [00:36:00] Kings council and becoming the CEO of your own life visit. Counsel coaching.com today, you can also follow us on Instagram at King’s counsel coaching. We’ll see you next time. [00:36:15] .

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